Let’s Slip Into Something A Little More Uncomfortable

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by: Jamie Rautenberg

Choosing to shift our perception during crisis is half the battle, so if we find ourself in a place of wanting change, but still feeling clueless how to go about it, I’ve got some insights I invite you to consider.

Healing is a long-term commitment we are making with ourself, and any relationship has its growing pains when tested. And to say that living with chronic pain & illness is a test is a gross understatement. So we can’t exactly expect ourselves to magically morph into shiny happy people if we’re currently in a place of suffering.

Just as pain in the body signals to us that we may not be in 100% working order, emotional pain calls attention to our awareness that the choices and beliefs we hold may not necessarily be working for us either.

This means, we have to get super honest with ourselves about the role we play in the pain.

Caution-this may hurt a little; It involves a fair amount of grieving and some bruising of the ego will likely occur.

What are we grieving? The loss of our own expectations.

If we want to reach a place of peace within ourselves and we feel lost, perhaps it’s because we are attached to an idea of ourselves that isn’t true or in alignment with what we really believe. Sometimes we behave a certain way to gain approval from others and we can get caught in the image we’re projecting. So, we must learn to let go of all that we thought we were or who anyone wanted us to be, in order to fully become who we are in this very moment.

Disease, trauma, crises, and any other kind of pain can bring us to this place of loss. And we’ve got to face that loss head on in order to recognize it as an opportunity to reunite with ourselves at the core of our being.

For me, this meant detoxifying my life on all levels.

I honestly thought I’d done this already, especially with my background as a psychotherapist, who had the support of many gifted healers throughout my life, but I, too, had a ton of grieving left to do. Emotional wounds can settle deep into places that our egos cleverly hide, and it’s our job to gently peel back the layers to uncover what these wounds can teach us.

This is an ongoing process of self-reflection that requires us to step back from the noise around us so we can hear what’s true. Then we must be willing to not only ask ourselves the tough questions, but deal with the potential discomfort in the answer(s).

Examples of these questions are:

Did I make any choices that caused any of the pain I am experiencing right now?

If so, was I acting with the best knowledge I had at the time? Whether the answer to that question is yes or no, have I learned from that decision?

And lastly, have I forgiven myself for the decision?

For me, this meant facing the facts that while I never chose to get sick, I certainly didn’t help matters by operating from a place of fear most of my life. This fear lead me not only to unhealthy people, but also to certain doctors and procedures that were not only traumatic, but downright harmful to my body. I had to get very honest with myself that these were my decisions at that time, and I was doing the very best I could with the knowledge I had. Most importantly, I had to forgive myself for those choices that did not end up how I expected.

And as the amazing Caroline Myss says, “Healing is a journey of forgiveness. That forgiveness is simply giving up the illusion that things could’ve or should’ve been otherwise. It’s no more than that.”

Finally, I received that message, and the lessons I still continue to learn.

Instead of wishing for that illusion of the “perfect” life without pain, let’s slip into the one we’ve got an learn from it.


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  1. Joan Cohen  June 5, 2014

    Jamie, for all that you have personally gone through physically, emotionally and intellectually my heart goes out to you. You are an amazing person with a lot of personal experience to help others. I am confident you will be successful in helping those people through their ordeals. With much love and adoration for all that you aspire to do, Aunt Joanie

    • Jamie Rautenberg  June 7, 2014

      Thank you! <3 <3

  2. A  June 5, 2014

    Hm, my bad choices included:
    -birth control. I was not genetically made to take this. This was probably the thing that started the fatigue.
    -having wisdom teeth removed. I initially opted not to get them removed but then I got a cavity in one and had them all removed (not in the official way where they remove the periodontal ligament) and got cavitations
    -being on tons of antibiotics, ruined my gut. major leaky gut.
    -after getting off antibiotics, not finding a better practitioner and being on my own with no doctor for several years. while I still think it’s worthwhile to learn things aside from a practitioner, it helps to find someone good
    -not playing to win initially. I just did what was standard, even though I could tell it didn’t work for many people (including me). I wish I’d looked more at people who really recovered – their info has been the most helpful.

    • Jamie Rautenberg  June 7, 2014

      I hear that. It’s a tough pickle to be in when we have already made these choices and must deal with the consequence. But then I think of how many people are unaware of the things we are forced to become aware of after going through this, and I’m grateful to have the knowledge. Even though it’s after the fact, I feel empowered and trust myself to make the right choices now. Wishing you healing!

  3. Fiona  June 9, 2014

    Hi Jamie
    I really love your website. I especially enjoyed this post where you wrote “Emotional wounds can settle deep into places that our egos cleverly hide, and it’s our job to gently peel back the layers to uncover what these wounds can teach us.” that is such important work for us to do and basically the key to how I live my life, simply by being gently curious about things and not being too afraid to find out what I can learn so I can take it to the next experience. Thanks for sharing.

    • admin  June 9, 2014

      Hi Fiona, I love how you put that “gently curious about things and not being too afraid to find out what I can learn so I can take it to the next experience.” Beautiful!

  4. Vanessa Christian Perman  June 10, 2014

    This speaks to me on so many levels. I agree so much with your thoughts and expertise. To be able to make decisions and question ourselves during a state of suffering can be so very difficult. It’s like being in a hole and looking for a little light anything to see the comparison of where we stand. This is very difficult work to do. This takes the work of a fully committed person to work towards healing Spiritual, emotionally and physical trauma. It’s the work of a seeker. Someone who is determined to work towards wellness. Even if they don’t know what the personally definition of wellness means for them. It asks us to trust and accept whatever our own outcome may be. To trust in our divine plan. Your post was surely inspiring and I love the angle of consciousness you are coming from. Cheers!

    • admin  June 10, 2014

      Thank you so much for your kind & beautiful words, Vanessa! It’s true, this may be one of the hardest things for people to work through because it takes so much focus and work. I still continue to work at it every day! Big love to you.


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