by: Jamie Rautenberg
When we’re completely alone, during that moment before a choice to act, there’s no escaping the truth of our feelings. Even if that moment quickly fades into a decision to disconnect from ourselves(with thoughts or behaviors), it doesn’t change the fact that they remain, and our body will keep holding on to remind us through its many symptoms when triggered.
It took me a while to see just how much I escaped into an endless quest for mental understanding.
Why does this keep happening?
What’s wrong with me?
How do I fix this brokenness & aloneness inside?
I had a genuine desire to heal, but the constant cycles of trying to mentally understand only took me so far.
No amount of knowledge could ever fully satisfy what my body needed: ME. Not the intellectual idea of me, but the willingness to connect back into my skin through my unconditional acknowledgement of every sensation that lay within this body, without making it wrong or someone else’s job to heal.
If I wanted to live and actually feel alive, I had to digest the truth that the only thing that is relevant to this experience of being human is to feel it, one breath at a time, knowing that it may not make sense to us right now.
External inspiration, information, and “spiritual” concepts may be how I survived for a while, keeping my brain online & occupied, but accepting the fact that I still have a host of feelings that needed to be fully uncovered & experienced was how I connected to life again.
May we all bravely feel our lives, and let ourselves be enough in this skin-to simply be a feeling being, alive in this world starving to connect back to the life within ourselves.