by: Jamie Rautenberg
I graduated high school with some of the brightest people I have ever met. It wasn’t my choice to attend Pine Crest, but my parents wanted to provide my sister and I with the best education they possibly could after we moved to South Florida. It may have only be a three hour flight from my former beloved grade school in New York, Forest Park Elementary, but it felt like an entirely different universe.
Of course there was some culture shock switching from a public school where I practically wore my pajamas to class to the uniform clad hallways of Pine Crest. But it wasn’t just the dress code that threw me off. Now, at the ripe age of 9, I’m being taught to prepare for college- and, not just any college, a top ranked college. This means aspiring to achieve an inflated GPA by taking as many advanced placement and honor courses as possible.
Only problem is, I don’t care.
Looking back, I wasn’t ever in the best health, and the traumas experienced throughout my younger years didn’t exactly help my apathy towards school. Still, my thoughts and dreams always seemed to clash with what I was being taught. I started resisting my assignments-I’d skim the book instead of read it, I’d glance over notes 10 minutes before the test instead of properly studying. In the end, I always turned in my work, but, the effort and quality behind it was a far cry from that of my fellow classmates.
I created a reality for myself where I was less than, so I always felt less than.
I guess I’m just not as smart as everyone else, I thought.
This thought would lead to a series of poor judgement choices that would continue throughout my life. I don’t regret the decisions I made because I needed to learn from the consequences of them, but it wasn’t exactly a fun time for my ego in the process.
So, here I am, thirteen years later, recovering in bed studying the conceptual and theoretical physics I’d only skimmed through in 9th grade. Turns out, this subject would be the turning point in my healing.
Oh, the irony.
But, in all seriousness, these concepts can be the turning point for anyone else feeling trapped by the realities they’ve created for themselves because we are all made of the same energy.
There is still so much to be learned about how the universe works, but what we do know for sure is that we are constantly moving forward by forces at work that we don’t see in our everyday lives. And, just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
As I support my body more, and through the awareness that meditation brings, I’m starting to tap into these energies which manifest as sensations in my body.
When digging further into these sensations, I realize that I had come to label them as good or bad depending on where they were located under my skin. Fear, anxiety, sadness, anger-these are all emotions we think of as negative. But, why not view them for what they are: energy vibrating at certain frequencies in the body.
This is the concept that actor, Josh Pais, teaches in his class, Committed Impulse.
I knew Josh Pais from the over 80 movies and television shows he has acted in, but what I didn’t know was that his father was a theoretical physicist who worked with Einstein. I also learned that he’s cleverly combined the principles of his father’s work to design a program for actors and non-actors alike to work through these vibrations and into the present moment to create from a truthful place. His mission is to get us out of our heads so that we can believe in ourselves, and, therefore others will believe in us.
The very next day after discovering Josh’s program, I attended my friend’s film screening. Five minutes after I arrived, so did Josh.
Out of all the places in New York City at this exact moment in time, there he was in this small screening room at Panavision with me. After the movie, I knew I had to tell him about how I was using his program in a non-traditional way to overcome the uncomfortable sensations I feel battling chronic pain and illness. He couldn’t have been nicer and encouraged me to check out certain meditations included in his online course to help me.
I know that this may seem like a coincidence to some, but this is not the first time this has happened to me since starting this healing journey. Each time I’ve put my faith into a concept that resonated, the creator of that concept showed up, physically in front of me soon after. I choose to see this as affirmation that I’m on the right path, moving forward.
I may have been skeptical about this power before, but I’m a believer now. Energy is in motion inside us and in the space between us. By shifting my focus outside of me and onto this universal energy, I now trust that I am being supported because we all are. This planet is able to support us based on the physics happening in space right now. If the conditions of gravity weren’t just as they are, Earth would cease to exist, and that’s pretty powerful shit!
When I think of life in those terms, I’m suddenly overcome with gratitude. Despite our individual experiences, there are greater forces at work here holding us together.
So, I choose to operate how the universe intends, moving ever forward and constantly expanding-beyond my ego and my limited beliefs, and open to the possibilities.