Growing through Anxiety

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by: Jamie Rautenberg

littlejamie

I’m not sure if many of us escape our teen years(or adult years, for that matter) without a palpable fear of rejection, and the accompanying awkwardness & anxiety that follows us as we attempt to make our way through this formative time. Of course, there are always exceptions, but this girl certainly wasn’t one of them.

It’s funny to look back at photographs and recognize the illusion I successfully caged myself in.
Sure, I was chubby and my health was not balanced, to say the least, but I felt the entire world inside of my heart. I sensed things intuitively, yet never fully trusted in them or the immense value this holds.

We all have this ability, but we unconsciously block ourselves from it as our egos form to shield us from pain.

The irony is, it didn’t stop me from creating a billion scenarios to inflict that pain upon myself on a daily basis with the thoughts that swirled in endless loops inside my mind.
And still, I don’t regret a single moment.

An ever expanding compassion grew out of these moments. A drive to hold space in service to myself & others as they awaken to the loops they create inside their minds.

It’s for this reason I look at this 12-year old girl standing at the piano with her favorite stack of classic rock sheet music, forced smile, and fear of the world’s judgement, and see nothing but immense beauty shining through.

I see this same beauty in each soul I speak with every day.

We’re all blessed with a ticket to this human play, so the best we can do is watch the experience of it unfolding, with the awareness that each scene & expression of ourselves serves a sacred purpose for us to grow more deeply into that pure love we truly are- even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.




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